sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
