i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
