8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
