i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
