I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
