You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
