you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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