the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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