Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize