I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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