It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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