You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're too hungover to prance.