Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.