i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
