Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
