i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
