He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
