Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
how does that bad decision feel?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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