I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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