I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my shit smells like andre
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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