i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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