I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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