Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
