I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
