I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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