This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
