That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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