I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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