1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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