She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
