yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
