what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
