I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
