Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
