Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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