I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
