i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As shirtless as possible
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
