The maid of honor just puked.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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