Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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