I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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