Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
