so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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