Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
