It's Friday. Sex?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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