The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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