I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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