Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
