the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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