You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
