For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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