he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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