Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
