And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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