I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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