Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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