Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
