that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you never un-have a 4some
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
