i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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