i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize