Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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