He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
