hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
