so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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