2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
