That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
