How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
