fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
