I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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